Libra 12° (October 4)

Day Fifty-Two E.D.A.N.O.W.W. I decide to go full steam ahead with the emancipation gathering and commemorate the most difficult (summer)time of my life. I’m feeling so positive after setting date to sign the lease and start moving things over to the space I’m renting on route to buying. I am living in a fool’s paradise. I should know I’m dealing with someone who is more than eccentric. Anyway I will make a list of everyone and invite about sixty people. Then I will go to dinner tonight at Winslows and put a bug in their ear. I not only realize the crew there are the same folks that I had big conversation about astrology with months ago; but some of them are also part of the crew I hung with years ago pre-pandemic at Oysterfest. It was rather eye-opening that this is the same core folk. They are sort of scary children of the corn. I know I am writing these tiny paragraphs knowing I’ll will add to them as time goes on. I have to switch plans in the coming days. I know where I’m going with this but that’s because I haven’t written in days. I have been thrown away like a piece of garbage. It really is unbelievable after all this time together. I will write the couple closest and say how difficult it has been to love them sometimes, given their treatment of me over the decades; and also of us in recent years. I remember when N. got her surgery how they catastrophized it. When S. had the same surgery years before and nobody blinked an eye. It was always upsetting to me how little they prioritized the best person in that family and just gave attention to those who would pay the bills. They are all really money obsessed in the end. But the thing about raising a child who had a bedroom that wasn’t slept in for twelve years. That’s effed up. It always has been effed up. And whenever we revealed the fact people would audibly gasp. But all is secrets. And yet I’m the fucked up one. I’m not the fucked up one. I have been super honest about myself since teen age to my loved ones. It was fine until it wasn’t. It was cool until it was inconvenient. I had to go underground and when is forced to repress it comes out, later, in ways that aren’t exactly correct for the person. I tried things once. I didn’t always like them. And some things were not to be repeated. But some things were like what the ef. Just try it on for size. Nothing ever has to fit for long. Just because a human experiments, in his or her spare time doesn’t mean that is who they are. If I want to give something a whirl once it doesn’t mean I am deep into it. And besides, who would have thunk one was being spied on the whole time. I used to get shit in our youth for opening someone’s diary and reading a page. But it’s okay to hack into their emails and take everything out of context not realizing that most thing that happens in that arena are total bullshit. That the whole point is that it is virtual and not real and you are hiding behind a screen. That that said, it can become more than a distraction and isn’t really all that good for the soul. I have been thinking of late that I’d like to return to who I was in the late eighties, reading the Upanishads and Vedas and focusing on my Chakras. Hope it’s not too late. I haven’t been very good to my body that much is true.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 11° (October 3)

Day Fifty-One E.D.A.N.O.W.W. So I texted Tony this morning to let him know what went down last night and he was really contrite and said how his sous chef can’t stand this character and has been wanting to rid himself of him all season. I did as much work as I could around the house and tried to get a whole bunch of lawyer stuff done. I am dealing with a lot. I also had nice chat with landlord and we figured out what we are going to do in terms of money and dates and bringing things over to the place and all of that. Would have no idea what was lurking around the corner of that experience. My estranged never returns a single correspondence. My rep and I are doing the best we can to soldier on but it isn’t easy. And the hostile opposition is on vacation. I have said over and over that I don’t think she understands, as the right hand, what the left hand is doing. And I’ve learned that they read this not that I care at this point because I am allowed to express myself. Nobody is reading this except for people looking for trouble. And they may very well find it. There is nothing wrong with anything I’m doing. I am trying my best to make it all work out. Anyway I decide to go to the restaurant as Tony says that the culprit is “sober and apologetic”. I get there and Tony offers to buy me dinner. On principle I refuse because it isn’t his place to smooth things over. If this kid is apologetic, then let him apologize. He doesn’t seem apologetic, indeed he still seems rather hostile. I request we play our scene outside which he reluctantly does and he is anything but contrite. He seems to think that he did nothing wrong. If I were a stranger that he met up late night and his buddy pointed me out as the guy that sent back pasta and he aggressed him, the target would and should have called the police. To know I am a friend of the owner is not only a slap in my face but the owner’s as well. This generation of entitled little fucks has no sense of accountability. I speak to the sous chef and indeed he agrees that unless Kev was shit faced or in a blackout none of this would have happened. Whatever.  I try one last attempt as I go to say goodbye to Tony in the kitchen but it seems he’s already gone. And the menaces are drinking hard liquor in the walk-in. I suddenly feel in danger again and I realize with the owner there I need to write him pronto because this is becoming an unsafe situation. I finally pay my bill and hightail out of there. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 10° (October 2)

Day Fifty E.D.A.N.O.W.W. I know it sounds like all I do is talk about food but really it is all I have besides packing and otherwise trying to get answers, none of which are ever forthcoming. I am at this point unaware of impending disaster. I took myself out to Terra Luna and it was where the bad luck began. I ordered some mussels and a bowl of fresh mushroom pasta. The mussels were excellent and the mushrooms in the pasta were incredible but the penne itself was like mush. I was like oh no. If I were eating somewhere I didn’t know the owner I would have not hesitated to send the pasta back. But there I was. I even texted R.S. to say I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t but it really was such a shame to be eating these delicious firm mushrooms with mush. The server saw me deliberating and I explained it wasn’t great and she took it back. I immediately texted the chef owner to say please don’t hate me and he wrote back “it is mush.” The second try came back and truth be told it wasn’t much better but I lied and texted that it was great, perfect. I was meant to meet Cyrus for dessert at Mac’s and we had a great chat and he wanted to go grab a something after so I went but as I was driving I was super chill and played a round of pool and then this kid got in my face and super aggressed me. He had glazed over eyes and was obviously very drunk. He said “you sent your pasta back”—apparently he was the cook on the line. But wait. I am being aggressed by a cook at a friends restaurant for sending back my pasta? He is really kind of super aggressing me? I had to find a way to diffuse so I first tried to show how much trepidation I had and how I praised the pasta in the end (which was still lousy truth be told). That didn’t work so then I just basically treated them (there were two of them—Dec. would have pointed me out to Kev.) and I just treated them like the ridiculous they were. And they seemed the fools and people were laughing at my making them seem so; I said something like are you two idiots still standing there why don’t you just bugger off and they did. Actually I was really afraid because I felt that this Kev. Person must have been in a blackout or at least so very drunk that he was risking his own job to aggress me knowing full well I would rat him out which the next day I did.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 9° (October 1)

Day Forty-Nine E.D.A.N.O.W.W. Having done a big shop this week, I finally need to cook some of the food before it goes bad. I am determined not to go broke eating out, although it is getting lonelier and lonelier as time goes on. Shouldn’t it be getting better and better? I thought so but it’s possible I’m wrong. I will cook chicken and sautéed bok choy and make brown rice and then take just a few bites and it’s just too sad to eat it all. I have been back and forth about the furniture which is a huge waste of time in the end. Back and forth too with Michele about venues for next year. She will later approach me about working for Tennessee Williams Fest but like most things in this dysfunctional town that will fizzle. I am thinking of the New Bedford option, or some cottage in that weird part of the South Shore; but New Bedford can make a lot of sense. There is a bus to Boston and also one to Providence; of course driving is super easy to but when going on long trips, etc. I wold even buy an apartment downtown New Bedford so long as there was parking, etc. It is in many ways a perfect perch and departure point to New York, Provincetown (winter rental) and close enough to visit on-season here or there just for the fun of it. Man would I love to move all my stuff out of storage and into a place where, if worse comes to worse, is some place I could hole up and tolerate living. I would the anonymous, small city vibe. Especially if a luxury apartment, it could be fun to meet the more arts and foundation folk that might be in that area. I can certainly get to the Vineyard easily enough.  It just might be time to reinvent myself in this kind of direction; not so completely off the grid. In fact quite close to it. Perhaps I can put on a series there; what if I were to work for one of these theaters or non-profits. I can try to do so here on the Cape as well. That isn’t out of the question. But the Truro option this summer is still very much quite a good one. I’m one hundred percent behind to notion to be honest. I don’t really have to go anywhere today if I don’t want to. I have tomorrow and the next day too. That is to say, if I find myself getting into a groove. On the other hand, I could just do a quick wine shop and eat in and cook what needs to be cooked. That’s a fun option too, no? A late lunch perhaps and a stroll around might just be the exact ticket necessary. Not that I’d be scared off by a little crime but apparently New Bedford is really bad and it probably isn’t the best idea. That said one could stick to a very small gentrified area. I sound horrible saying that but it is reality. There isn’t much one can do to alter it. Perhaps a little fish and chips but hold the chips would they put a little; otherwise I could just ask for a whole lot of coleslaw. I would like to get out and get some air if possible so let us do this. Gosh I could almost even use another cup of coffee but let us skip that.  Anyway I’m just speaking gibberish because it’s easier that actually taxking my brain during this time. I couldn’t write during this last month of horror. But everyday was pretty much the same. It is hard looking back. And do feel so sorry for all I had to go through.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 8° (September 30)

Day Forty-Eight E.D.A.N.O.W.W.  I will have a slow day and take myself out to dinner for a simple Cape Cod meal of clams and Caesar salad and some lobster mash potatoes. I am trying to dig myself out of a hole. It isn’t easy. I will make sure to contact Nan for her day. But otherwise very little contact with the outside world. I’m so deep in this **** right now I’ve never felt such despair I can’t tell you the depth of the pain I can’t express the loneliness extraordinaire I’m floating skipping sliding hovering through life I’m down is down can down can be and yet I have something inside of me that will not let this moment destroy me I will celebrate the night I might otherwise spend in dark lonely solitude that distant room with flickering TV light on my not make it unless I get out the house I might not make it unless I get out the house ah I said I might make it up unless I get out the house I spoke to someone today and it was really really funny Hooray it’s all down to you maybe it’s down to you Boo it’s coming on Christmas One and two and it’s coming on Christmas they’re cutting down trees and it’s coming on Christmas they’re cutting down trees they’re putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace so I wish I had a river could skate away but it don’t snow here stays pretty green I’m gonna make a lot of money and then I’m going to quit this crazy scene over I wish I had a river I could skate away no I wish I had a river so long God would teach my feet to fly la ha ha ha ha oh Nope didn’t like it let’s do it again Tom tongue OK well whatever let’s do another one it’s coming on Christmas they’re cutting down trees they’re putting up reindeer singing songs of joy and peace so I wish I had a river I could skate away oh but it don’t snow here it stays pretty green I’m gonna make a lot of money I’m gonna quit this crazy scene I wish I had a river I could skate away I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet too la who’s shadow river I could skate away all made my baby cry he tried hard to help me what did I do wrong we’ve had a river I could skate away all how I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly haha fly haha teach my future flash ah oh oh ow ow yeah with this scene shadow river I could skate away all oh I wish I was so long I would teach my feet to fly Nope teach my feet to fly ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha flat ha ha ha I’ll get it I’ll get it 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 7° (September 29)

Day Forty-Seven E.D.A.N.O.W.W.  Spent the morning crying my eyes out. Spoke to Brad who let me vent. I lost my noodle last night never hearing from the love of my life on my birthday. It was truly one of the hardest days of my life. I was completely unable to eat, let alone move. I just binge watched and tried to keep myself from spinning off my axis. I had some leftover Margie fixins so I just finished them all up. I will get to writing. It is what needs to be done. (Ironically it is now her birthday as I finish up today’s Blague and move forward. Not interacting over holidays and birthdays and such is really such a drag. Speaking of which I want to pull through the threads on all that I’m doing.   I have to think about all the fishing nets; and I want to bring in a little income; just some mad money in January and February and beyond. I have a great opportunity to make some real headway. I’m thinking about a Bling version of all we are doing A-S, wise.  Sometimes these last vestiges are hard won; I know at the end of the day I will be far more inclined to dictate than to type, but for the time being typing is just what is necessary. So we forge ahead. It’s all good.  Being in the place I am now, thinking of where you are then, I feel so sorry for you/me. Nobody should ever have to go through anything as remotely painful as what you have endured. This whole thing about abuse is way trumped up. It just is. I’m sorry, it’s just not that accurate. And it isn’t about repressed sexual feelings it’s about frustration with what we can call the Eliza factor. I feel like I’m getting there but I don’t want to overpromise anything. It’s L Day and it’s nigh on four o’clock and I put in a full day as usual and I’m going to have some wine and heat up some food. But back where you are: You are very sad. But just know that you won’t be as sad as you move forward. Once you put everythingI n storage and you plop yourself in a new place and you go through the machinations of having been traumatized whittled down to the point of nothingness stripped of all dignity on some levels desperate alone in your own personal caravan showing up on this venerable Oasis then … 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Libra 6° (September 28)

Day Forty-Six E.D.A.N.O.W.W.  It just struck midnight and it is now officially my birthday. I don’t remember that last time, if ever, when I stayed awake to ring it in. I will be shocked if any friends remember. I will be floored if I get a wish from the onetime sigother. It is now twelve o’one. So I can stop flirting with the notion. I did not receive word which felt very cruel indeed. But that seems to be the new normal coming from the other camp. I don’t quite understand it, but then again I’m not going to try too hard to do so. Going to focus on putting this little party together next week. Tonight was very weird in the end. I got picked up and we went to dinner but someone doesn’t really eat that much; and they just drink water. There was never the slightest eye contact. I felt more alone than I would have if I stayed in and ate a cheese sandwich. It will turn out to be the last time I see this person, at least to date, as it is still Boxing Day. I say still but that is probably the wrong term. I am trying to remain positive I truly am. I think I’m capable of doing some great things once this is all over. Anyway, I am taking inventory of all of that as best I can. But on this night I remember feeling so very low and much more lonely that had I stayed alone for the night and just watched bad TV or whatever. I had this knee jerk reaction that there might be somebody out there who could easily just slip into patronizing role; but that is too fear based and should really only be part of the equation. If ever there were to be one. I think what I’m realizing is that I have different nets I can throw into the drink. I have a good deal of territory to cover today and I’m starting super late but I will get there.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.