Leo 14° (August 6)

I truly feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown: I am doing everything I can to get and better, to go the uncontested route, to be accommodating and to communicate. What I get in return is radio silence, attempts to take away my businesses, money taken out of joint accounts, mailboxes being shut down, safety deposit box emptied, zero word on what possessions are being claimed (which is disabling me from selling or otherwise ridding this nine room house of contents that must go or even getting an estimate from movers), and now accusations and threats from lawyers claiming I’ve threatened to throw our possessions away, i.e. the very opposite of what I’ve been saying. Also, I’m accused of slander by speaking my mind on the subject on social media, (meaning on Facebook?) and airing my true feelings of despair and loneliness? Truth isn’t slander. I am slowly losing my mind. Anyway, I will work with Brad today on getting a financial statement together as well and then head to do even more banking and a little bit of shopping. I do keep making soups then throwing them away. It’s impossible to cook for yourself. And when your whole day centered around the menu and what kind of meal you would share together it really is impossible to do it for oneself. That’s why last night was good for the soul. It would be nice to be invited places actually but that hasn’t much happened. I don’t mind being avoided. Oh that’s a lie. The pain of the primary loss is only compounded by the loss of friends or their dwindling interest. I’m beginning to feel for sure that my one friend who was there for me was really something of a double agent. He sent to me a text meant for her not for me. It wasn’t anything earth shattering but I recognized that certain tone. It doesn’t much matter nothing really does. My timed writing isn’t going that great. I’m going to find some inspiration in the pantry. I found more than I needed but that’s okay I’m going to do my best to make this shite happen. I might even walk into town today as a treat. More astrological thoughts:

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 13° (August 5)

I have Tim and Billy coming for dinner. I will make linguine clam sauce. I will start the day in Provincetown where no checks have arrived. And make my way down to Eastham to grab some wine and sparkling water and some linguine at Mac’s before heading into Wellfleet town for the littlenecks and what product I need. I called Mike’s friend about the Wellfleet place and it turns out I know the owner. I am trying fairly hard to keep this ball in play and feel fairly confident I can do it. Billy and I were talking about when we first met which dovetails with the larger conversation. He is going to help me with finding a place to land as well. I have to start over with the move I think and be way more brutal in the process of throwing things away. Maybe it will be easier now. I now drink decaf. Who am I? It is so weird to have another couple for dinner I must say. It’s not necessarily better that’s for sure. Tim and Billy are so different and yet not in conflict. In many ways I see myself in Billy, being a Billy myself. He is truly funny as is Tim who takes more the straight man role when they are together. I mean that in a comic, not a sexual sense. I have got to get back into the swing of writing or else this is never going to happen… I have put a whole list of first round questions out to the so-called other side and not getting anything back. Realize, after the elipse, I am writing the remainder of this five days later, and I have about six entries to finish up. They don’t have to be perfect. Nothing these days needs to be perfect. I’m going to do a timed writing for the next two hours and just say whatever needs saying. And then later I will fill in with some astrological stuff. There is much on my plate. I will get financials sent me and will do my best to power through all that. I have to just make this work. Okay on to some more astrological thoughts:

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 12° (August 4)

I will have dinner tonight at with Brad at Mac’s. Mike P. will be there and he will say something about an apartment in his building which I sorely would love. I will check it out later in the week and yet it will be a slog, even so. I cannot believe what I’m dealing with let alone who. I am getting some housework done and each time I pass through a room I streamline all that much more. Still there is so much actually stuff I don’t know how or where it goes. I feel so awful. I just feel like everything has been the same the whole time and pretty hunk dory for the most part. So much time spent doing this or that endeavor, the endless chats, it all added up to failure for which I take the fall. And there are no witnesses so there you go. I just still can’t believe it’s over just like that. I was so invested in everything we accomplished and were doing and mostly in the love we shared. I guess it wasn’t as mutual lately as I thought. I know it is logical to say that I’m the one who demonstrated uncaring and there is definite truth in that; it’s just that I had so completely compartmentalized everything to the point it all felt perfectly normal. It was the way it has always been and it was largely just virtual. And who is to say it didn’t. feel normal I mean. Of all the many, many people I’ve spoken to in my same boat, 99.9% of them don’t have super sleuths and so they carry on in their bliss having the best of both worlds. It is probably too much to ask and yet so many do and still live in their bond until death do them part. I thought that would be me. It now won’t be. But the amount of loss is extreme. Every time I open a box it is of the Pandora kind filled with letters and photos from a thousand years together. I just have to shut it and take to my bed and bawl. So much for spending the day packing up—I need nerves of steel to do this. Speaking of nerves I need to be sure that I can do the tiny work of carrying trays and glasses if I’m to pull this off. Oh lord, how did I get in this position. And will I have the fortitude to not put myself in danger driving those roads and bridges. This will have to be enough of that for today. I will do some thinking on the Virgo man: TK

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 11° (August 3)

Another rough couple of days to be honest. I am full on into my oyster addiction and it has to stop. I will try to get some work done but nothing will happen. I don’t remember why exactly. Today has sort of been a blur. I did speak with Mike which was helpful and fun. And Dave and I went back and forth about meeting up but the truth is I feel a bit Cape Cod cruddy so it’s just as well that I don’t go visit friends. Chip brought over brownies, which was very sweet, and he is helping me figure out what to do with the non profit. I thought of this: True Story: It was November 1993 and we went to our favorite local Italian resto Tanti Baci on West 10th St. Paola (“How are yuuuuu?”) the owner greeted us with a sort of apologetic look because the only table for two was smashed up against a table of six. And the place being so narrow we were actually joining their table. As we sat down we shot each other looks because we were being seated next to Joni Mitchell and friends. It was her birthday. And they were eating up a storm—that is to say everybody but Joni was eating up a storm—she was drinking goblet after goblet of red wine and smoking cigarettes. We were beside ourselves (and her). The cake came. We all sang happy birthday and at this point we were full on pretending we were all the same party and just casually celebrating our friend Joni’s 50th. And now I’m back. I’m actually not sure what to do with my feelings today. I scheduled a time to see winter rental in Ptown. There is really not that much to say to be honest. Acting pretty out of character shall we say. I truly don’t recognize this person I loved for years. It would seem somehow that I am an ogre, which I definitely am not. And shamed on top of everything else. Good god. It’s really ridiculous. I have to figure out what to say to people. Hello people, so after a thirty-eight year relationship, thirty two of which spent married, S and I  have decided to amicably split. That said I find myself scrambling to dismantle the contents of my house—nine fully furnished rooms and a basement filled will a hundred boxes—to sell, store, dump or otherwise give away many, many contents, and somehow find a place to live, in a place where there isn’t a place to live, by October 31. Yeah, it’s a lot. I will be inviting friends to come by and walk through the house which I will set up as a bit of a store of sorts, to rid myself of furniture and housewares and so on. Also please pretty please if you here of any place to live—year-round or winter rental, whatever—please give me a shout. These are the breaks. Break it up, break it up, break it up, breakdown.  I am struggling to write right now and need to blow through this. I don’t know how else to communicate my feelings today. I am going to apply for some housing lottery. That fucking EM that horrible mouth breather makes me fucking sick. The concern trolling troll that he is. I will never forget that morning on the boat when he and J. trashed her best friend. Made me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to know people like that. Meanwhile I have my theories about her whole thing. What an asshole he is though. JW and (I thought) S and I tried to keep J from doing what she did but good luck with that.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 10° (August 2)

The answer is nowhere. And the point is it has been a number of days since July 30th. And a lot of water under the bridge. I am using the dictate function and I am over pronouncing everything as if I am a computer or what’s his name ah the universe Oh yes Stephen Hawking. This might be a practice I need get into. Because if I can start to function in this manner then the sky is actually the limit. And I will be living alone so who’s to hear me? It is strange though that my computer knows what I’m saying considering the fact I grew up with Lincoln logs and play DoH. So right where were we July 30th was Friday and Friday was the dentist which was all a bit of a torture and then gosh I wish I knew it happened I probably went to Mac’s I did. And they would have had oysters and I would have had chowder and I would have had crabby crunch. And I would have received weird emails on the subject of the separation and I will have spent the weekend writing up these massive amounts of questions and do I go back to Mac’s on Saturday God I hope not I’m spending a bloody fortune on oysters and yet it is what is helping me the oyster cure. So yes that will be a big day writing up everything and also going through all the eye balling up the basement and the upstairs and the office and all of it and stumbling upon boxes with all our mixed media impossible to separate unless it’s done by at least the two of us with photos and journals and memorabilia it’s an impossible task and everyone should know it and I hope they do and I hope they do so soon. It was J.s birthday on Saturday and I send a polite message and received nothing back it’s quite obvious now that I’ve been turned against her or she’s turned against me or whatever. The point is my own private life is not my own it’s been exposed but never mind. In a way it’s been a pivotal weekend however um I was hoping to land today in a more functional place and it’s not been the case at all. I’ve been overindulgent on every level and it’s now 107 in the morning the next day and I’m just now writing this blog or speaking this blog I should say and auto correct doesn’t turn blog into Blague so we’re just going to have to kill it on our own here . Um next paragraph yeah that didn’t work very well did it I guess auto or dictate or whatever it is does it know how to create new paragraphs. So yesterday it was fantastic because Dave and Allison got us tickets to see Mavis Staples at payoh met close . Uhm. Those freaks were there and I’m sure they saw me which is fine. I might have a lead on an apartment I will know tomorrow if I can see it. Mavis but it’s pretty fierce I have to say it was the thoroughly enjoyable evening and because we were going to be bringing a picnic to the show it gave me an excuse too cook which has been hard to do I do have to start thinking about my appearance because this month of crying has left me looking very sad and very old and I need to start doing better for myself I guess I have to become a narcissist just like everybody else. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 9° (July 30)

Today my message about going through all our belongings will be misconstrued. I want to say: I have told her a number of times that, with a house with nine furnished rooms, including two offices, packed with housewares and thousands of books, a baby grand piano, plus a basement stuffed with innumerable boxes from our 38 years together, that I can’t simply wait until October to decide who gets what and what goes where. It will be a full-time job for me August, September and October to sort through what can possibly be sold, what items are divided between the two of us, what should go to the dump or into storage. This is informed, of course, by the near impossible task of finding some place for me to live by November 1. There are no rentals on Cape Cod to speak of so I will have to likely make a series of trips elsewhere in Massachusetts to find a suitable rental all while dealing with the enormity of the move. I have put a mover which we’ve used multiple times in the past on hold for October 28, 29 and 30, and we can pick an exact day of those three for them to move things to new homes or put into storage. I have asked her to come to the house soon (she can bring family with her) to go through the house with me and decide who gets what and what can be sold or dumped. There are many boxes in the basement that contain shared items and memories. We have, as I say, thousands of books—those we don’t want can be sold or donated—so we need to do the hard, meticulous work of going through them all. The same with cds and other collected items. I cannot do this alone. As a compromise I have offered to go room by room myself and photograph the contents such that her can make notes on what she wants and doesn’t. I have even offered to stack books on our many bookshelves and in boxes in the basement so she can claim what she wants. She has misconstrued this as my threatening to sell or throw away her belongings which is not at all what was implied nor is it anything I would ever do. If anything, She knows I have a very hard time throwing away anything of mine or hers. I need to express that going through the contents of our near four decades together is emotionally devastating for me. I attach a great deal of sentiment to even the slightest thing. She is much better at throwing things away than I am so I would greatly appreciate her taking the responsibility of coming to the Cape soon and working with me to sort through the material manifestations of our shared life together and not solely burden me with it. I don’t think I can handle the stress and duress on top of the sudden, shocking separation and the loss of our book deal. Plus finding somewhere to live. It is too much for me. We must be out of this house by October 31 at 5PM. I wrote to her to say: I was waiting for takeaway order when I received your note. I wrote you back a bunch of emails by iphone but they will have been filled with typos because my 1.25 readers are too weak and my fingers too fat to properly email from my iphone. Still I hope you got the gist. I would never in a million years mess with your stuff. The whole point of what I’m saying is I need you to tell me now/soon what you want me to keep put aside for you of shared items. And also, what you want to do about old books and so forth. And what furniture you want so that i keep it for you and don’t sell it. We cannot wait until October to go through contents for many reasons. For starters moving company will come in September to give estimate for moving or storing. I need to start the process NOW, not in October. I know if you stop to think for one minute about the logistics you will realize: Oh, right, if I had all that on my plate I would have had to have started yesterday. Four weeks went by before I received the proposed  “separation agreement”. Within days you are sending me notes trying to rush the process of my lawyer, who is just being retained, to get back to you. You asked for patience so please show me the same kindness. I will send you inventory/photos of each room in the house and I will go through basement and stack all the books and photograph those and you can tell me what you want. It dovetails with other conversation. For instance, if we continue working together and A-C gets an office space perhaps all shared (astrology especially) books and some furniture (for meeting clients on Zoom) can go there. Your proposal obviously wants to cut me out of A-C and leave me with an empty shell of Wheel without means for that second company to make any money. Gee thanks. I will put my first round of questions into a document that will be concise. I understand that you are spending money on a lawyer. So too am I. As far as Facebook goes. It is the only source of friendship support I have. I have been totally alone in this house like a ghost for a month. I don’t have any friends here and no family. I will do whatever I want in regard to my own social media because it is my own. You blocked me on all social media so you don’t now have the right to tell me what I can or cannot say as it pertains to my life. Snap.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 8° (July 29)

I was having a fitful sleep and woke up way to early. And tried to go back but it was another series of panic attack jolts as I fell. I finally just got up and started going through some of my health files. I start physical therapy today. But first I will go to the bank and try to get access to my many shared accounts. Which I do. Only to discover by day’s end that she did indeed move a great deal of money out of a joint business account into another account at another bank over which she has sole control. It’s pretty ridiculous. Anyway, I finally have a handle on what’s been going on, financially and it’s pretty bad. I have to gain strength now and face the uphill battle. Physical therapy went well in any case and I have a pretty good handle on what I need to do to keep my body from revolting while I do all this heavy lifting. I have notes written everywhere that I will need to pull together (on the weekend) to send to her people. It will be important for me to keep in mind that my own lawyer will be reading it. What this process is revealing is just how bloody selfish she can be. I am seeing that personality that grew up in her family. I remember my first time having meals with them, when food would be put on the table, she would lunge for it; it was very sad; as if she had to compete to eat otherwise the other greedy guts would eat it all and leave her nothing. I come from way more fucked up a family than she does, don’t get me wrong. My parents are both dead now nearly two decades and my one sibling I haven’t seen since well before the last of the two passed away. She is incredibly dangerous and I haven’t felt safe around her ever. Now here I am completely alone. Like alone alone. And part of the reason why is that I’m an insular character, or have become one, who has alienated people, something I readily admit doing. I seem to now have alienated the one and only person I have ever truly loved. I take responsibility for that. I have to make a start on the larger document I need to send: The following document is divided into two parts. The first is a compendium of logistical questions and concerns I have already put to her, to which I have yet to receive answers or achieve closure. The first part includes minutia. The second part is comprised of questions which are more sweeping and thematic in regard to the “set up” of our personal and professional lives, which have been entwined for thirty-eight years, moving forward—this second part might in some way touch upon points/issues which were outlined in your proposed “separation agreement” (indeed both parts of this document dovetail with points in the agreement) and thus your responses to these more overreaching questions and concerns will inform my conversation with my own counsel to whom I have just mailed a retainer fee. Once he has received that, and he and I have spoken on the larger subject of the separation and divorce, with insights your responses will provide, he will be contacting counsel to make his introduction. I remind you that I have been patient this past month waiting for communiqué from her and her counsel, so I now ask you for the same courtesy.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 7° (July 28)

People are disappointing. A long lost friend and I rekindled last week and he contacted me saying how he wanted to come over on his day off and be there for me and I was so touched. He was going to walk through the house with me and eyeball all the stuff and help me decide how to deal with it. And then the day came and he didn’t confirm and ultimately didn’t show up citing the fact he got drunk the night before and slept late. He was an asshole then and he is an asshole now. So that’s the end of that story. But it’s okay. I am making certain progress. Look I’m not in bed wailing anymore. I’m up and around. Ish. I really do need a haircut of that I am super certain. I had terrible night sleep again. And my digestion (sorry) is really bizarre. Me the regular person from regular land. I have no idea what’s going on but it isn’t great. Anyway I will start to right things myself soon. I’m going to try the new weed I bought be right back. And yes I smoke weed. I always had to hide it from the school marm but now that she’s gone I can smoke it in any room in the house and also I don’t get wiggy. I realize it wasn’t the pot making me anxious it was the fuzz I lived with. Speaking of which I just bought a little but it’s not very good. It has no kick so I need to remedy that situation and pronto. The S. always wondered where I got it from. From fairies. I get it. If I were to be so low as to spy on anyone’s private word, never mind my loving partner which I would never, ever do—you ask for trouble when you go mining—I’m sure I would have the worst imaginable impression. I can only imagine what S. must think from all the hot air that is bandied around. Mostly nothing ever happens and I will say much to my chagrin. It’s been 99% disappointing trying to find that exact friend all these years. I think I’m chasing a feeling, well not exactly a feeling because it was something I had in my youth. First of all the trauma aspect is what fucked and set me up in this for life. I was always going to be a failure at “normal relationships” from the get-go. I had no chance. When you are sexually abused at a young underage—gosh I was the exact age that G. is now—summer before turning twelve in the sign of Libra. Well a person just doesn’t have a chance. I was telling Roy the other night that the difference between my sixth and seventh year photos was startling. I will upload them both eventually. How am I going to make my way out of this house? Everything goes everywhere indeed and I don’t exactly want to lose everything but I’m willing to if I must. The next dentist appointment will not be fun. I do go out tonight oh yes. I went out to lunch and had oysters and fish and…not chips, salad. And they know me there and they know I love the Caesar sans croutons. I don’t eat French fries ever. Everybody knows that. It’s almost midnight tomorrow, not today tomorrow but tomorrow-tomorrow. I am very lucky to have had the night end with Sarah and Jo and Jo’s other daughter and her partner both names of whom escape me right now. I knew them last night. But you know me (or do you?) unless I repeat a name over and over and over and stare at the person’s face I will never commit it to memory. I remmerbed Jo’s name because her name is Jo. But unless I were to say Sarah, Sarah, Sarah even while staring into that beautiful face, nope, names don’t get to long-term memory easily at all. And she is beautiful now that I think of it. She was especially glowing last night. Something shifted. Well of course what I got was empathy…I think that’s what is was. I do believe that she was so pained by my pain that she could barely stand it. And that was just the night Dobie came to take it all away. That was hard enough. And then next day, BAM, no more book deal. I’m sorry but that is totally not on me. And the sooner that shit gets resolved the better.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 6° (July 27)

Well my Equity is paid up which is good. I am doing the best I can to get back into the work. But today will become about one thing and one thing only. I received a legal document from the people. It was incredibly difficult to digest and yet hands have now been shown. My throat is sore and I feel a little “breathy”; my windpipe has been feeling rather weird in fact. I wonder if I’ve contracted the dreaded. I surely hope not. It is getting quite dicey out here though. I am wearing my mask everywhere, pretty much. I am making notes already, but it was quite a shock to the system. I want to figure out a way through and out. I have lists of notes of different kind. I have questions that need to be answered before I even address the document itself and what my counsel will need to discuss with me. So basically what I have to do is make categories. I should start with the logistics document the Dobie brought and then combine that with my responses thereto. And then I have asked questions about Moving and I have asked about the Cars and I have asked about “Tangible Property”. I did spend much of the year going through and prepacking the basement. I have done much heavy lifting on that score. That will seem to go unappreciated. We will address the advance. If we are speaking about the name brand we should try to preserve that but it will require effort. This dovetails with a desire to have a shared office. I mean I’m attempting to understand still. So first line of stuff will be to put my questions together that really have not that much to do with the document but answers I’ve been wanting—meanwhile it will dovetail with the would-be agreement. I will have tons and tons to say over the next couple of days. But my only goal tonight was to catch up to where I was and I didn’t do it. It’s a lot and I cut myself some slack but starting August 1, I have to be the most together cat on the block. I’m learning mainly that people are super selfish. I cannot get over what’s going on with them in a few days from now. I’m supposed to be writing this in real time so I shouldn’t elude to a supposed future but man oh man, am I ever in for it. Every day seems to bring a new revelation about the reality that I was living. It might as well go to court and result in shaming. Really who cares at this point. I lost the one person I truly loved and four thousand of our friends. People side with the woman always I think. Men are pigs, especially if it’s easy, as it is in this case, to clutch pearls and categorize one in said manner. I think I’ll just marry David Geffen—he’s always liked me. All I know is nobody needs this crap. It shoud be much easier than this. The point is there is no point. I am very surprised by certain individuals—those chaps from Hudson have proved especially hollow, but weren’t they always? Especially the fat one. He’s not fat anymore but it’s the only way to distinguish them at this point. I am sounding like a cunt and that’s because I am one. Well the mail is no longer being forwarded and I will get to the bottom of the banking in coming days. In the meantime I have proved the fact that oysters are not an aphrodisiac. Not in the least. I have appealed to the sometime partner on every level. Oh I suppose that’s enough words don’t you. I was so happy to find that I have these amazing childhood friends and starting tomorrow I really need to start taking some pictures. I can’t believe only one friend from the UK has actually thought to pick up the phone. And I dare say someone made him do it. All people there have to do is get a whiff of non heteronormality and they will make it the butt of jokes (no pun intended) for the rest of all eternity. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 5° (July 26)

I’m totally eating tahini oatcakes every single day. That’s happening. We have so many oats and I am determined to eat my way through my pantry. I will get that moving on Thursday when I start physical therapy. Today was a fucking joke. First of all I did manage to catch up on writing by staying up until four a.m. And I woke up at seven so today is a bit of a waah waah. I might end up going into town for oysters after all I shall see. Need to do it sooner than later. Starting tomorrow though I will get back into the book and work on my tan and get a bit dried out. I find the whole thing really cruel suddenly I think I need my oysters. And now I’m fueled:

You may’ve deluded yourself into believing that my forwarding you the “concern trolling” messages from L and he who must not be named was simply a reactionary act, something emotionally charged, but I assure it was not. Yes, to receive a message from an acquaintance whom I met through J and N, two years ago, who subsequently drunkenly tried to seduce me at your last New Year’s Eve party, is annoying. Especially as it signaled that my once dear friend who introduced us, a friend I reached out to multiple times this past month, with no response back, would have spread the news in her inimitable way. Then to wake to a message from him, someone who has not once contacted me in all these years. The person with whom our host ridiculed her so-called best friend. That sickening morning—I always tried to get up and eat and depart before the early gossip ensued—when that mouth breather and you raked poor JJ, who wasn’t there to defend herself, over the coals for her “no talent.” I was near to retching. And so was someone else who may now be loath to admit it.  A Leo who prides himself on loyalty is the most opposite of it in the negative expression thereof. Shame. And, so what? You return to your friendship, a phony, keeping hidden the fact that you trash your best friend, and to and with whom? A sycophantic manipulator? A hijacker of conversations? A getter of weddings? A blowhard? Imagine, imagine, how she would feel if she ever thought (though she does suspect, she’s not fucking stupid) that you make fun of her with many people on the regular, that you condemn her to strangers whom she’s never met. Meanwhile your vaping stooge was already in on the joke—this was nothing new, this trash talk, this was well-worn territory…it wasn’t the first time you together made her the butt of your joke. We both left the breakfast table in absolute disgust. We didn’t say a word, we exchanged looks and I think both thought that if we made this silent move it might send a message. It didn’t. One may disagree with me now, of course, but I wouldn’t know because we are no longer connected. The fifth house of Leo is “co-creation with god” and people of the sign like to play it to the hilt, deciding who can do or gain or receive what as a result of what you bestow. We have been the recipients of your incredible kindness and generosity but we have also felt the undelicious sting of your suddenly pulling it out from under us. Something that smarted for years. Loyalty is something neither of you two kennel dwellers understand. I have always been exactly who I am. I came out to my parents at seventeen and to everyone at at nineteen. The first time we were ever in bed together there was another boy with us. It was innocent enough. In Paris the year we all met, Amy and J and Max and J and L, I had dates with othe boys. L, you even made breakfast for me and a friend one morning after returning from a sleepover at S’s. It didn’t matter then to me and it doesn’t matter now. I fell in love with the most beautiful and intriguing and captivating and interesting person on the planet. She happened to be an inny. But I have always liked outtys too. And I never hid the fact. Others, you, gradually started hiding the fact; such that I felt, oh well, I guess, if I’m going to get love at this point I better start hiding it more and more too. But not really. I expressed who I was. I spoke to my bisexuality on stage. Hell, I even did M drag on the boat. Yes, I did Brando, too, but, remember I’m the one with the tasteful makeup and ensemble in the photo from Dizzy Place in Paris for L’s 21^st birthday in 1986. I’ve remained true to myself and I applaud others, especially those I love more than anyone in the world (that’s you), doing likewise. But this shit? This shit?. This embargo on communication and information and friendship. Treating me like I’m a disease—this is the most disloyal act of all. And each of you are perpetrating it in your own way. I’m a good person. And none of your gaslighting revisionist bullshit is going to ever make the likes of me think otherwise. So, tell your concern trolls to fuck the fuck off. I don’t want any insidious messages from them. I don’t like or respect them. And, unless a miracle were to occur, you don’t get to know me anymore. And that is my decision, not yours bitch.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.