Leo 4° (July 25)

Spent the morning writing. Happy that CB beamed in. We will meet on Wednesday. It will be helpful to show someone else the enormity of what packing will bring. Had a little yoghurt and first coffee in days. I’m trying not to become too buzzy lest I need to come down. But I do have many CBD gummies to eat. I will inventory the art work. Not that I’m looking for signs but I’ve been binge watching The Bob Newhart Show and the actor who plays Mary Richard’s dad on The Mary Tyler Moore show, whose name is Bill Quinn, something I remarked on a few months back, well, there is an episode where Emily has 151 IQ and joins a mesa type group and Bill Quinn plays a Mensa Astrologer called Kodiak, whose column is Kodiac’s Zodiac. I got so much accomplished today it’s fantastic. And I also managed to take myself out for dinner once again; and then come back and work on writing for hours and hours. I have this feeling that I’m going to be able to keep writing this book. I had to get the last two days off my chest—it’s crazy. But seriously I will be back in the book on Tuesday which is exciting. I’ll get my hair cut then. Oh god my dream last night. I had giant staples down my chest as if I had had open heart surgery. That is not a perfect thing to have dreamt, by the way. I am looking forward to the rest of this I have to say. I was so grossed out by that spectacle online. I can’t believe that that’s what it’s been all about. I want to laugh. I am laughing. Not to be cliché but I am going to be all that I am. The hubris once again oh lord. It was even my idea to stop dying….dyeing? The point is that my disposability has been more and more apparent. Which would mean the more I fucked up over time the better because it was serve the narrative. Serve the narrative of someone who would record me for not adding to the common good but maniacally dedicating oneself to oneself. “The Letter” said some snide remark about no amount of cooking and cleaning being able to compensate for whatever outbursts ensued. They ensued because one’s schedule was exercise and beauty treatments and creating one’s own brand. We lost our book deal because “I’ll get bak to the book at the end of next week,”—fuck not good enough. We got cancelled. Cancelled, cancelled, cancelled, cancelled, cancelled. It’s three in the morning. How can I still be awake? I woke up yesterday at six after only four hours of sleep. I have to get a handle on myself, sleep wise. Some sow had the nerve to write me in the middle of the night to commiserate. Fuck that. And in the process can’t even spell a name correctly. People need to fuck the fuck off. I took a screen shot and sent it to both S. and J.. This is ridiculous. I am truly beginning not to like these people. Fucking, fucking phobes on every level and narcissists all. God I’m so glad I’m me and not these people. Using company money to create a solo website? Really? When was discussed. No wonder, no wonder, no wonder when I asked for an accounting, I never got it in two years. I will take this up with our investor believe you me. You want to mess with me? You think you can mess with me. Yeah good luck with that. I tried so hard to communicate and to work through this together and all I get is withholding because I’m dealing with a narcissist. She always said her mother was one. Oh, she was an amateur compared to this professional. She would say how her mother went back to school to get a masters leaving her in the lurch to raise her sibling(s) and make dinner and clean. And she did the exact fucking thing to me. That’s the truth. And you can fag bash me from here to kingdom come but nothing hides the fact that she’s a selfish, selfish human, and why? Because she feels that life didn’t give her enough. It’s the same reason why when a family style pile of food is plunked before us that she dives in first and grabs a whole bunch. And why she is so fucking needing to impress…get this…her own fucking family. As if they are celebrities or a tribunal. She is so desperate for their attention which, of all the kids, she will always receive the least. And it is her tragedy. This wasn’t going to be this. This was going to be me talking about how amazing Susanne Pleshette is at playing Emily. She was nominated time and again for awards but imagine…she’s up against Mary Tyler Moore and Cloris Leachman and Jean Stapleton and Esther Rolle and Valerie Harper and, well, probably and weirdly, still, also Lucille Ball. I remember knowing her name even before I could read or spell. In my mind her name was Lucy O’Ball.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 3° (July 24)

I feel it’s not good today. If anything, it sucks. I am suddenly cast as Woody Allen. It is very clear that much effort went into creating a solo platform for S. Her own narrative on the website basically says I used to do Starsky + Cox but now I do this. Married life only ever inspired autonomy. I was this person, this penname, this stage name, the books being completely written by my husband (yes, I wrote some end-of-chapter coupling text for the first one). He wrote all the shows I ever appeared in and even though I would fight him creatively tooth and nail his instincts always ended up being right. I needed to go back to school so I did for three years while my husband picked up a lot of the slack. He wrote an entire business plan for our jewelry company and he employed his contacts to ultimately find a designer from whom we built a whole team. I graduate with a degree. And for years I pretend I’m not going to start my own practice and completely marginalize our work to date. I will ultimately sabotage our third book, taking weeks to basically proofread the copy and change some commas to semicolons. I will tell my husband and partner after nearly three weeks disappeared that I will “get back to the book at the end of next week”; I maintain we have an extension when we only had word our agent would try to get one. I will be cavalier with my partner’s livelihood and sink him into the ground because I’ve never been the person I said I was. I am in fact very much like others of my ilk; it’s just that I never had the courage to be so complete an asshole until now because on a trip to NYC multiple people stopped me on the street to tell me I’m amazing. That’s sustainable. As a person who emphasizes the eudaemonic over the hedonistic I am a complete hypocrite. What I don’t quite realize is that the funds with which I absconded in order to fund my solo endeavor are soon to be reimbursed to the company. I realize my fifty-fifty partner has been asking for an accounting of his own company now for years and that I’ve been using funds to further not only my solo aims but to vilify him in the end to try to get away with murder. I am not so much a baroness as I am a murderess. And as I always said about my partner he should have been a lawyer and I would be quite frightened going up against anyone he was representing, especially himself. I hope more than one woman I love and respect is reading this. I think we know me. I think we are going to have to make quite much more a big deal over this than expected. I have all the time in the world and I’m not going to pay an outside professional until I absolutely have to. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 2° (July 23)

It was a good morning and I was happy to connect online with my old friend M. He is one of the key individuals in my recent development and it was fantastic to have a good, long exchange. I had to run a zillion errands and I’m still reeling from learning my mail has been completely stymied. Apparently, things were transferred, or rather forwarded on July 13, a full two weeks later than the S. took a powder. I think I’ve hit a wall with this woman. It’s just so unfair, all of it. I’m sorry that part of me is into the same parts as me, but that has never been otherwise. I’m hitting various walls. I can’t keep staring at the empty spaces. In the next day or two I think I need to start taking over these voids, filling them with me. I’m always tucked into some corner or cutting them to accommodate. I am going to enjoy the transition out of this. I am thinking seriously about working in friend’s resto for fun and as a distraction and to keep from staring at the ceiling nights but I’m also concerned about the Covid surg. It’s ridiculous that I can’t know where she is—ooh, like she’s so important. Her narrative she said is that she’s afraid of me. Me! Me? Really? It is so absurd. Anyway, it was a busy afternoon of errands and such. I’m not going to cook for myself. I don’t care how much money I’m spending. I didn’t go out once from March 2020 till now, basically, so fuck it; besides I’m using my own money and I no longer have some long arm of the law telling me what to do. The remarkable thing is just how loving and kind people are that you meet socially, well, first off as I say many old friends miraculously plop down next to me. But the strangers have been super kind and fun too. I really feel like I’m turning a corner finally. I continue to try and connect and tell her how much I love her but she doesn’t write back and I’m getting to the fuck-it stage I must say. Anyway, I lay down and fell into a nap without knowing it. What is curious is that I fell asleep in the early evening and I woke at around seven. I thought it was morning and couldn’t figure out why it was getting darker not brighter out. I thought maybe bad storm. Turns out I was only asleep for few hours and it was evening. Took myself out to dinner. Back and forth with Caroline’s. They might want me tomorrow, but I think that will be impossible.  Oysters and burgers. I haven’t seen a vegetable in days. I need to go into town tomorrow maybe to remedy that situation. I could use some salad and fish. I won’t actually do that. I’m trying to keep a log of everything that’s needing doing and also what has been done. I’m struggling with her website. First of all talk about doing stuff in plain sight. I mean it basically says, hi, I am part of this couple but I really don’t want to be and the stuff that we did together is pretty fucking stupid while I, on my own, am amazing. It basically says we were doing this thing together but I really needed to do this instead. It belittles what we worked on. It belittles all the hard fucking work I did on behalf of the two of us for two decades. And it actually says I needed to go back to school. Does it say my husband shouderled the actual Wheel (the name of our company) when I was studying for three years. Does it say he wrote an entire business plan? Does it say he wrote all our shows I performed in. The hubris, the narcissism—I have written seven years of a Blague, telling stories, writing dialogue for us to perform, but someone has a very high opinion of their singular dimension prose. I cannot believe how obvious the whole thing is. Talk about jumping ship. This has all been planned out. It is so obvious now. All you have to do…all a judge will have to do is read the words. And by the way, who paid for this solo career, from what bank account was this site created. Did I pay for this? Is someone going to pay for my solo entity. This is not over.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 1° (July 22)

Today will have to be different. I’m going to do a deep bedroom clean. Oysters then Spinach and Lobster Mashed to go. It’s Thursday so it must be Rachel. If I didn’t have this pricey cafeteria, I don’t know what I’d do. It lifts my spirits to the max. I need to start paying myself back for the extravagance though I can’t be dropping coin on pricey food every night. It will right itself; meanwhile I am totally doing what my soul wants and that is all I can do. It isn’t quite getting easier though I have to say. S. has asked me not to write her but it is all I do. I have to get my truth out there regardless of the consequences. It is a definite must. Thanks to Brad and to CB and Caroline and thanks to Roderick and DC and all the people who have been rallying around one way or the other. I just need to knock myself out tonight really and I will do exactly that. She can have whatever she wants. She can carry the purse. I don’t have to do it anymore, but if she is taking even more handouts then that will be on her. I wrote the business plan while she was in school. I found, through my contacts, the people who now work with us. I was way instrumental in the creation of all the pieces, pendants especially. I wrote half a book while nothing really moved along on the other side. Lots of time doing yoga and pilates and talking with best girl friends and taking pictures and videos of oneself in various outfits for not only our shared media but ones own. Narcissism has been rampant culminating in the story brought home from New York about how irriestible one is. Penny had great insight into that one. She’s seventy and says it still happens to her. She is also a bisexual who says that she would jump into the sack with another woman in an instant but she has never had an emotional connection to someone of the same sex. Word. Women get away with it. I never have. And in the end the heteronormative narrative will out. It dovetails with all the familiar turf—and yes that word was chosen carelly. . I warned a certain friend not to go down that road but she did anyway, alienating, okay, maybe not the masses, but the quality sensitive children of the world, not to mention all the actors that ever portrayed her characters. But “it is the hill” she wishes to die on. Would you, please? I get J + LLB now more than ever. The hostage taking the holding forth. Don’t get me wrong I truly love my sister with whom I’ve always felt I shared a brain, but the hubris is rampant and delusions of grandeur will out. Emphasis on will. I’m bitter because I’m not an idiot and I know what’s been going on. There is only one way that this can happen the way it is, let us say, in a level of comfortability. If you’re reading this it’s fine. I feel a bit put off by all of this. It isn’t happening to you personally and you’re taking sides and that isn’t good or kind or any of the things you might consider yourself. I feel good about myself, meanwhile; and I have always been exactly who I am so don’t expect any more apologies from me. If you don’t want a person like me around then I not only don’t want to be around you but, meanwhile, what were you thinking the last thirty-nine years, exactly? I am learning that I have a lot of friends out there who love me and more on that tomorrow.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Leo 0° (July 21)

Watched Janis Joplin documentary. I think I’ve seen it before. Today started in Orleans, at the automotive shop and then to the dentist for one of the worst experiences of my life. The novocaine, or whatever the fuck that was, was almost the worst part. To boot they charged me double what I thought it would be. Oh well there is no way around that now. My high school friend Dave beamed in to see if I wanted to see Mavis Staples. I said yes because I have to start saying yes. I will indulge myself with one more dozen oysters and bring home some lobster mashed potatoes. I couldn’t chew anything all day so I just had the little bit of soup that’s still left over. I’m so lonely it’s not real. Still not getting easier by any stretch of the imagination. I’m really sad that I’ve already lost friends over this. That she would torpedo certain 37 year old relationships especially, one which she knew was very important to me and one which I initially re-ignited. I find it really unbelievable that she would do that. I’m noticing too that the boys in Hudson aren’t responding either. I find that very telling. I doubt very much she’s with them but who the hell knows where she is. I know I’m talking out of school or whatever the phrase is but I have to get this poison out of me and this is a very good way to do it. I will soon be caught up to myself on this front and that is a very good thing because I do want to get back into the book. The plan for the book, getting back on a schedule. Putting physical therapy dates into my calendar. Which branch is the safety deposit key for? Is the apartment insurance truly up to date. Begin to back and document via photos. Start posting what’s for sale starting with my own stuff. Composing letter re housing and work bit also with dinner invites. Commit Linguine Clam Sauce recipe to memory. Pack sweaters into Jimin bag. Honestly I don’t care how banal this Blague is sounding. It is all about survival right now and I am doing my damnest. I am actually writing this on Sunday the 25^th, playing catch up on all the last days and debating whether I should venture out for another meal. Not always the best idea but I might be able to get away with it. Especially if I do start to supplement over the next two months. I believe it will be busy. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Cancer 29° (July 20)

I will go to Caroline’s tonight after learning it is Caroline from the Mews and she has married an old friend with whom I had a falling out twenty years ago. The relationship will become healed. Some random thoughts: Are we still using Gary and Mark. Find out the status of Astro-scapes. Get back into the book next week. Update of Astercast. Schedule physical therapy. Pay Pierce. Artwork from Guiglia. Amazon account. Nespresso account. Scheduled re-jig with Meg. Inventory all rooms furniture. Do photo collage of items and housewares. Stage the house for sale—set up event page for doing so. Gold leaf glue/paint (for broken things). Call Tim B. regarding taking and/or buying books. Contact VW. Get scratch remover. What to do when the little white thing is blinking orange? What should the boxes look like for proper internet function? Dreger portraits. Merola? Hocking? Hockney? Hockney Letter? Capaldo? Address Banks. Address Mailboxes. Address Amazon and Nespresso and Apple Music. Pills in Cabinet? Stuff to shred. Gabriela wallpaper? Bag full of bathroom products. Catalogue each room. I am seriously staying away from any kind of substance becaue it just makes me so depressed. Gnawing at me is the need to address the vilification aspect of the written exit speech. I am starting a list of all the people I am telling the sad news to and putting out feelings for possible places to live at the same time. Adding new names as I roll along. I have to write to her because I don’t know how I’m paying for things. Speaking of things, they are fishy when it comes to mailboxes and again to the banking thing. I really need to address this but I’m giving her time to come back to me. The response was semi polite even though yesterday’s message was way harsh. I find myself somewhat stranded this evening and strung out. I had a gut feeling I should stay to myself, but as I say there was some good to come out of it. I’m still not sleeping and I’m sweating like mad in the night. I’ve washed sheets three times this week alone. Probably detox from all the wine S. and I were drinking every night. I did think it was strange that on her last night here she brought home three bottles of wine. I think she wanted me to pass out. Clever lady in the end. It’s still not getting easier but at least I am beginning to function (somewhat). I will have comprehensive list of what needs doing between my notes here plus texts I’ve sent plus the Responses to Logistics doc. When I do hear from her people I will say I am in receipt but I have been trying unsuccessfully to get the following answers and access from her, but to no avail. I will not respond to them until they respond to me. So first things first.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Cancer 28° (July 19)

Another Monday I can’t even tell you what happened on this day to be honest. I think I spoke with D. There is nothing in the mailbox which is giving me pause. I will go to the cafe and see Bari I believe. I’m not even sure if this is what happens. I’m still recording what I wrote the first day at Mac’s. “You took the Gena Rowland eye which I bought. I will have to say what it costed. So many of the art works were bought by me. I bought expensive jewelry and watches and handbags as presents over the years. I don’t recall ever getting pricey presents in return”. Oh what a mess life is now. I’m so upset all the time and it’s going to be a month soon. I can’t keep going out to dinner I do need to try and make money instead. I will have celery soup I made tonight. More of the notebook fodder from eating out the other night. “I don’t suspect to understand any fucking thing. All I know is that she is safe and surrounded by people and I am totally alone.” I imagine the eye contact. “I did everything to support her.” Twenty and thirty somethings with blazers [I really cannot read what the notebook says] “My whole life has been about loving my beautiful wife all my life. How to not leave, put everything in storage, find winter rental. It will be my plan in coming weeks. I will make sure of it. I am not packing [words are illegible.” I think I am just so deep into my pain at this point that I can’t even write right. I don’t know how I’m going to survive any of this to be honest. It’s all starting up again only I cannot stay on this rollercoaster. For one I really can’t afford to. I wish I knew where she was but even that is being hidden from me. All of the above quotes from my notebook while eating out. It was healthy for me to get a little angry, only I’m not really angry at all. I’ve binge-watched so many shows. I will get to the bottom of it all. I need to start taking control. I need to set the house up as a shop of sorts and put things on sale one by one. I will create an event for it and do it that way, virtually. As well as figure out my game plan. I definitely want to stay local where I at least have friends. And this way I’ll be close storage as well. I am a bit over being vilified. I’m exactly who I’ve been all these years. I do need to start moving forward. I’m not going to let this sink me. I’m entitled to half of everything. I have to write myself out of this. Starting Monday I need to get back to the book. I think the rest of the Blagues on which I’m behind should start to outline everything that needs doing/addressing. I think that would be a very positive way of approaching all of this. I also need to start outreaching to about ten people a day about my predicament. I do feel I might have a better chance at friendship this way. I’m afraid to rip myself away lest I become super depressed. I need to focus on self and health that is the only way to not only survive but perhaps even benefit if that word still exists in any language.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Cancer 27° (July 18)

Back to the dulldroms. I think I just watched Atypical all day. I’m writing these days later and trying to figure out from the blur what happened when. The other night, the fifteenth, when I sat at the sushi bar, the day Brian came, the day before our contract was cancelled. I wrote “Today was the day Dobie came to take it away. It was heavily emotional followed by a little bit of relief. But not enough. I don’t care no if I live or die. I have taken uber to Mac’s Shack I thinI learned that people suck. People especially suck when you’re been married to them for you whole life. I have to write big. And I want to die, preferably tonight and not by my own hand. I need to think of all the things I know and remember about that case. Has he feigned all of this and taken me for a ride. Is she presenting this as if its some kind of superior. That would be ridiculous. I want to get so something. I only have three days per sign now and I’m going to do it from four to ten in the morning. One doesn’t deserve to know me. This may well be my last night on Earth. I wrote that word clearly. Not that anyone will ever read it. I ordered a dozen oysters and I’ve just did it again. How can she do this? What a I’ve decided the way to refer to a case is to give them a c-minus. I have spent my life bringing along and now is is going to go beyond. My own baroness took me out to dinner. Fuck this shite, and I am going to move through this bullshit like nobody’s business. I will not be marginalized nor should I let shis sink me. I will be succeeding. Today was really the most depressing of my life. I will not be taken down by this I will not be taken down by it. Unfortunately I feel that there will be karmic payback for this. I understand in many ways that this is karma paying me back, although I do not think the punishment fits the crime. And it is evident now that friends have been turned against me. I’ve decided I’m not going. All the shite can move to storage and the businesses will have to pay for that. And if one thinks they getting [something] or any bit of what I scrimped and saved they have another thing coming.”

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Cancer 26° (July 17)

Needless to say I am back in my bed today and I’m not getting out. I have never been so depressed upon depressed upon depressed by the domino effect of these actions. I am bisexual and always have been since I was “initiated” at eleven. As happens I seduced other boys my own age. Let’s just say that from early adolescence I didn’t have to wait for a girl to get off with, there was always a dual-purpose guy friend on hand, especially one, who, like everyone I write about on this topic, will go nameless. He was my “best friend” if boys have best friends but we also got it on. We even sometimes had a bath time. But it was never emotional. Funny to say that in many ways we were a gross-out to each other, but it worked for, get this, from just after sixth grade until we graduated high school. By the time I was seventeen I had already spent two years getting into clubs, some pretty hardcore places, punk and new-wave clubs, where we would do coke on the pinball machine, dance this mess around, and drink multiple shots of kamikaze’s, pouring them ourselves, from shakers with strainers we were served. Today is not a good day. I feel vilified more than ever. Apparently, my wife has custody of a certain mutual friend who will not return my emails or texts. Thank gosh for our best friends in London who have been going between, although I am already aware, as will prove out, that it might not be totally even-steven, but more an agent for her agenda. Or maybe I’m paranoid. Anyway, as I say I’m once again down for the count. In the end I will take myself back out and see Eileen Ford’s daughter whatever her name is. I can’t really afford to eat out and uber back and forth but until I figure out what to do with my nights. And I think, for whatever reason, I won’t be charged with the full meal. Not sure why that is. I had to get out of the house. I keep cycling through the same sadness. I still can’t believe I’m in this situation. Was I never to express myself? I don’t know how else I could have balanced things out. I certainly never meant to hurt of bother anyone. Anyway, it’s all becoming sad water under a bridge. I will be forever altered. I won’t be able to live in this world the way I have. The security of the relationship gave me room to be indulgent. Now, I need to be much more vigilant which is probably closer to the personality she wished I’d expressed. Ironic, all of it.

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.

Cancer 25° (July 16)

So yesterday was one of the most traumatic days of my life and yet I did end up connecting with the b-i-l and it was good to be able to have a human here while I went through all my emotions. Let me back up. This Blague was never really meant to be a forum for personal life and all that involves. But, over the years, there were times where it took on a personal feel. But it was never confessional and certainly not on the level of exposition in the extreme ever before. I thought this would be the worst day (I will be very shortly very wrong). I decided fuck this I’m going to Uber to dinner and back again. I went to Mac’s Shack and despite the throngs was seated immediately at the sushi bar—the first perk of being single. I ordered a pint of house Krolsch and a dozen oysters. I then did the exact thing again, one of my second dozen going to my neighbor whose name was Jo, there with her pretty daughter whose name escapes me. I then had chowder. I then had sushi—crabby crunch roll, mackerel nigiri, and a spicy tuna handroll and more beer. I was suddenly exhausted explaining to Jo and daughter the laste few events of my life. I was shocked that young waitstaff kept coming up to me because apparently they remember we/us from when they were teenagers working here. You could see the question in their eyes: Why are you here alone? Is she dead? Sorry but that’s what I saw in their eyes. I was going to use the company card to pay as a fuck you but I didn’t do that in the end. Ubers by the way are super expensive when you take them on the outer Cape. Holy Ef. And meanwhile they are nearly impossible to book. Good thing I won’t do this again for a very long time I thought. And yet two days later I will repeat this but on a budget plan. I wrote large scribbles into a notebook that I would love to read and type back; but that would be impossible at this point. It felt amazing to be out and seen and to converse. I am reminded that I’m the personality who outreaches to folks in the world. I am flooded with the fact that she is going to fuck me over every which way. The way this happened to my mind (not hers) is ridiculous. To my mind also cruel in the sense that she led me to believe every night we sat outside having wine and nibblies and dinners—one of the ways, like cleaning, I show love–to allow me to do all this on the night she knows she’s leaving? Holy merde. She will say it was the only way she could do it. She did say that; and I totally believe her. But I heard her planning this months ago on Facetime with her friend Noelle in Canada. I was at the dryer folding laundry, separated basically by thin paneling while she’s under earbuds not realizing she’s nearly shouting. I calmly addressed her when she got off her call and was ready for wine and nibblies. I said just so you know I heard you saying that once the book was finished in six months or so you’re going to leave. I also heard you say that you need to be with someone who desires you in the way you need to be desired. I told you I heard you. And you gaslit me. You said I misheard and immediately deflected saying you were responding to the fact Noelle was saying that Joe had sexual issues of a sort.

Oh, and yeah, the pulblisher cancelled our book deal. I found out from a forward from the person who is most responsible for that happening. Had we handed in another 5-6 chapters during the fortnight plus since she left…well, again: I believe she believed it had to happen this way but I strongly state it did not. We were on the same page. We were going to write and edit six pages a day and we would have ruled the school. She hates me on some deep levels and she’s entitled to that too. 

To view the original Sabian Symbol themed 2015 Cosmic Blague corresponding to this day: Flashback! The degree point of the Sabian Symbol may at times be one degree higher than the one listed here. The Blague portrays the starting degree of for this day ( 0°,  for instance), as I typically post in the morning, while the Sabian number corresponds to the end point (1°) of that same 0°-1° period. 

Typos happen. I don’t have a proofreader. And I like to just write, post and go! Copyright 2021 Wheel Atelier Inc. All Rights Reserved. Get your HAUTE ASTROLOGY 2021 Weekly Horoscope ebooks by Starsky + Cox.